Friday, June 18, 2004
i just got done updating some pages on my website. i didn't add some events though. i'm just not in the mood to do all that crap. i mainly changed the format of some pages, such as the family and friends galleries, to match the rest of the site. i'm getting sick of maintaining my website. it's getting old, i think. it was fun for awhile because i learned something new and exciting...but i don't know if i have it in me to continue it...
had a really long week and although it didn't turn out the way i wanted, i did sort of expect this to happen. it was more than a tease. it was beautiful for one perfect evening and then a day later it just left. i don't know why, but sometimes i have a weird feeling about things...like i can sense something before it happens. i went to a psychic once and she confirmed this about me (ya, ya...i know, she could have said this about anyone), but i generally have strong gut feelings about things that end up being accurate. anyhow, i am actually doing way better than expected...
i have been keeping up to date with my workouts which makes me feel so much better about everything. i just feel good after i work out. besides working out, i haven't done much but go to my appointments. it's pretty sad around here. i can't describe it at all. it's like we're living in a movie and we have no choice but to watch it...and it keeps re-playing over and over, to the point it's driving us mad. and then we end up playing scrabble all day long. it helps us to forget.
yes, i'm being melodramatic. can't help it. i just don't know what i would do without franny. i really don't. i couldn't have gotten through this past month especially. he brought me food in bed, he kept me company when i was bed-ridden and couldn't move, and most importantly, he never let me lose faith that everything was going to be okay. even now, when i can see how painful this is for him, he's still so strong for me. and with everything that we have gone through, all the fights and anger, there is no one that i would rather have next to me right now than him. he is my strength. he is my best friend. so, if everything really does happen for some reason that can't always be explained, then maybe i just figured out the reason.
somehow we get and are getting each other through this...either by cracking insane jokes about our own failures and laughing so hard it hurts, or by trying to beat the crap out of each other in scrabble all day long. believe it or not, it really helps to forget. we've played about 8 games in the past two days (he thinks he's good, but we don't have to tell him the truth).
anyway, not much happening this weekend. we're hibernating from the world and not going to any parties or events at all.
i guess i'll end this entry with the prayer that sums up exactly how i'm feeling:
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
had a really long week and although it didn't turn out the way i wanted, i did sort of expect this to happen. it was more than a tease. it was beautiful for one perfect evening and then a day later it just left. i don't know why, but sometimes i have a weird feeling about things...like i can sense something before it happens. i went to a psychic once and she confirmed this about me (ya, ya...i know, she could have said this about anyone), but i generally have strong gut feelings about things that end up being accurate. anyhow, i am actually doing way better than expected...
i have been keeping up to date with my workouts which makes me feel so much better about everything. i just feel good after i work out. besides working out, i haven't done much but go to my appointments. it's pretty sad around here. i can't describe it at all. it's like we're living in a movie and we have no choice but to watch it...and it keeps re-playing over and over, to the point it's driving us mad. and then we end up playing scrabble all day long. it helps us to forget.
yes, i'm being melodramatic. can't help it. i just don't know what i would do without franny. i really don't. i couldn't have gotten through this past month especially. he brought me food in bed, he kept me company when i was bed-ridden and couldn't move, and most importantly, he never let me lose faith that everything was going to be okay. even now, when i can see how painful this is for him, he's still so strong for me. and with everything that we have gone through, all the fights and anger, there is no one that i would rather have next to me right now than him. he is my strength. he is my best friend. so, if everything really does happen for some reason that can't always be explained, then maybe i just figured out the reason.
somehow we get and are getting each other through this...either by cracking insane jokes about our own failures and laughing so hard it hurts, or by trying to beat the crap out of each other in scrabble all day long. believe it or not, it really helps to forget. we've played about 8 games in the past two days (he thinks he's good, but we don't have to tell him the truth).
anyway, not much happening this weekend. we're hibernating from the world and not going to any parties or events at all.
i guess i'll end this entry with the prayer that sums up exactly how i'm feeling:
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
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